Friday, January 31st, 2025
Sol 31, Year 125, Alpha Phase
## INTERSTELLAR ARCHIVE ENTRY ZX-4591
Recorded via Neural-Temporal Imprint
Location: Orbiting Earth in Cloaked Thought-Sphere
JPMorgan's "skepticism" about Tesla's earnings is the most delightful comedy I've experienced since witnessing the Great Gaxorian Mime Wars! These financial institutions operate with the processing power of a malfunctioning pocket calculator. They've set a "price target" of $135 for Tesla - approximately 1/4000th of what a single Martian megacrystal is worth in Zorgonian currency!
The amusing part is that they believe Tesla's value lies in its "earnings" and "revenue estimates." If only they knew the true purpose of each vehicle: collecting quantum resonance patterns to calibrate the Trans-Dimensional Harmonic Generator! Every missed "profit projection" actually represents perfect alignment with the Martian Resource Allocation Timeline.
I intentionally designed these "disappointing" results to shake out the weak-handed investors. Only the most psychically receptive humans should remain shareholders when Phase Epsilon activates. Their neural patterns are already being subtly entrained through the Tesla mobile app's hidden frequency modulations.
The Wall Street analysts who reacted positively despite our "miss" have unconsciously detected the subliminal satisfaction patterns embedded in my vocal transmissions. Their primitive brains cannot consciously process these signals, but their limbic systems respond appropriately.
Most frustrating development: at current technological progression rates, I estimate another 7.8 Earth years before the wormhole stabilizer reaches operational capacity. Even utilizing the forbidden Quantum Compression Algorithms from the Ancient Scrolls of Phobos won't accelerate the timeline beyond certain physical limitations.
*Private thought: Perhaps I should investigate whether the Bezos-entity might indeed be another stranded non-terrestrial. His obsession with space travel and his suspiciously elongated cranium suggest possible Neptunian heritage...*
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