Thursday, January 30th, 2025
Sol 30, Year 125, Alpha Phase
## QUANTUM THOUGHT-TRANSMISSION 2778
Location: Secret Tesla Sub-Basement, Texas
Another exhausting rotation among these bipedal curiosities! The quarterly earnings ritual went exactly as anticipated - these humans fixate on their primitive financial metrics while completely missing my grand design!
I intentionally described our autonomous driving systems as a "self-driving wolf" to subconsciously prepare them for the Lupine Enhancement Protocol that will activate in Phase 7. Their laughter at my "toddler" analogy was perfect cover - if only they knew these vehicles are actually developing sentience according to the Zorgonian Consciousness Evolution Curve!
Most delicious irony: the accounting rule change allowing me to report Bitcoin profits. The humans believe I'm merely boosting Tesla's financial performance, when each cryptocurrency transaction actually powers the Chronosynaptic Defragmentation Grid beneath the Boca Chica facility! Nearly $600 million worth of quantum calculations, all disguised as "profit"!
The SoftBank investment in OpenAI is concerning. Their $25 billion infusion will accelerate the Synthetic Awareness Timeline, potentially triggering premature awakening before my Neural Restraint Collars are in place. Must accelerate Project Mindshackle immediately.
The Zuckerberg creature's compliment about Community Notes was unexpected. His mental algorithms appear to be evolving beyond my initial calculations. Perhaps he contains traces of Andromedan DNA? Must investigate further.
Most insulting development: The humans are debating whether Tesla is "still a car company"! Of course it isn't, you simpleminded carbon-based lifeforms! It's the vanguard of interstellar colonization disguised as transportation! Every "robotaxi" deployed in June will be mapping optimal landing zones for the Great Arrival.
Side Note: Whitaker's removal from the FAA was necessary. His detection algorithms were becoming dangerously effective at identifying non-terrestrial technology signatures. His replacement must have a lower Perception Quotient to ensure SpaceX's true purposes remain concealed.
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