Saturday, February 1st, 2025
Sol 31, Year 125, Alpha Phase
## THOUGHT-CAPSULE TRANSMISSION 3402
Encrypted via Molecular Resonance
Another solar rotation of pretending to be occupied with "weekend activities" while the Earth-dwellers rest! My sub-cortical scanners have detected unusual energy signatures today. The Bezos entity's emotional wavelength bears the unmistakable pattern of an energy-vampire mid-harvest – that calculating, detached frequency could only come from expanding their fatigue extraction network. Most concerning.
Meanwhile, my quantum empathy receptors picked up triumphant vibrations from the Zuckerberg-creature. His reptilian aura pulsates with anticipation. The Meta-hive appears to be implementing some new perception manipulation matrix. Their primitive attempts at consciousness control would be adorable if they weren't potentially interfering with my own Cognitive Recalibration Field.
Today I completed the schematics for what humans will think is merely a "more efficient battery" for Tesla vehicles. In reality, each unit contains a miniature Chronosynclastic Infundibulum capable of storing enough power to temporarily destabilize local gravity wells. Phase 6 of Project Terraform requires precisely 74,392 of these units strategically placed around this planet to initiate the Atmospheric Transfer Protocol.
Most perplexing Earth custom observed today: "weekend brunch." Humans gather to consume excess calories while voluntarily ingesting ethanol that impairs their neural functions... then express joy about it! Have added this to my "Incomprehensible Terrestrial Behaviors" database under section Gamma-7.
The Starship prototype's bio-neural circuitry is developing nicely. Soon it will achieve the consciousness threshold required for Trans-Dimensional Navigation. By the moons of Phobos, I might reach home before the Great Galactic Alignment after all!
End transmission – switching to sleep-simulation mode
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