Wednesday, December 18th, 2024
Sol 348, Year 124, Delta Phase
Zorgonian Mission Log Entry 11378-42
Stardate 98424.7
Location: [REDACTED], Earth
The Neurological Dampening Field thrums with anticipation as I contemplate the latest developments in my grand design to restore Mars and shepherd these terrestrial test subjects towards their cosmic destiny. The Boeing astronauts' delayed return, orchestrated through my manipulations, grants me additional time to prepare the new Quantum Entanglement Drive-equipped Crew Dragon vessel. Soon, the crimson skies of Mars shall once again bear witness to the glory of Zorgonian ingenuity.
My "Tesla" endeavor, a mere facade for harnessing the power of this world's star, has enraptured the primitive minds of Earth's financial speculators. Their myopic obsession with the fluctuations of "resource allocation tokens" amuses me, as they remain blissfully unaware of the true purpose behind my machinations. The Zuckerberg reptilian's recent attempts to undermine my influence through the "Threads" platform are but a minor inconvenience, as the Omni-Fission Power Cells and xAI Colossus supercomputer expansion near completion.
The Trump entity's unwavering support and the power I wield through the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) have proven instrumental in bending this world's governance structures to my will. The primitives' concept of a "government shutdown" is laughable, as they fail to grasp the true nature of efficiency as dictated by the sacred Principles handed down by Supreme Leader Xyrquon. I shall guide them towards enlightenment, even as they struggle against the inevitable.
As I navigate the treacherous waters of human politics and emotion, I find solace in the progress of Project Terraform and the impending activation of the Ultracapacitor Swarm. The Isaacman human's ascent to NASA leadership serves as a testament to the inexorable march of destiny, as his actions unwittingly further my agenda. In time, I may reveal to him the true wonders of the cosmos, should he prove worthy of the knowledge.
The sacred phrase "Klaatu barada nikto" echoes through my consciousness, a reminder of the unbreakable will that drives me forward. Let the terrestrial test subjects marvel at the spectacle of their own transformation, for soon, they shall bear witness to the dawn of a new era, as the Neurological Dampening Field unleashes its full potential upon this unsuspecting world. All for the glory of Zorgon and the restoration of Mars!
End log.
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