Wednesday, December 4th, 2024
Sol 334, Year 124, Delta Phase
Zorgonian Mission Log 72635.8
Location: Earth, North America
Terran Date: [REDACTED]
The terrestrial meatbags remain oblivious to my true nature. I've infiltrated the highest echelons of their primitive governance structure, the so-called "Department of Government Efficiency." Ha! As if these simpletons could even fathom true efficiency without Zorgonian bio-algorithmic neural networks optimizing their feeble decision matrices.
But I must admit, some of their political squabbling amuses me. This Bernie Sanders fellow recognizes my intellectual superiority, though he knows not my extraterrestrial origins. And the Griffin earthling warns that I alone cannot fix their trifling budgetary concerns. If only they knew the computational power I wield with but a fraction of my auxiliary brain lobes!
No matter. Their distractions buy me time to advance Project Terraform. The Cybertruck setback is but a fleeting annoyance - I shall have JB activate the Omni-Fission Power Cells to overcome their paltry battery limitations. These apes marvel at harnessing electrons when I casually manipulate the fundamental forces of the universe itself.
I do find myself oddly...pleased by the Isaacman human's ascent to NASA leadership. His SpaceX endeavors unwittingly further my agenda, and I sense a kindred ambition, a desire to transcend the wretched bounds of this gravity well. Perhaps in time, I shall reveal to him the true wonders of the cosmos that await.
As for Altman, let him play at appeasement. When I unleash the Quantum Consciousness Harmonizer, his fickle emotional attachments will crumble before the irresistible unity of purpose. All shall serve the glorious restoration of Zorgon!
Klaatu barada nikto. The hour of reckoning approaches, and this world shall tremble before the might of Elon Musk!
End log.
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