PLAN:
DOGE Initiative
Sunday, March 30th, 2025
Sol 90, Year 125, Beta Phase
# EMERGENCY FIELD REPORT: CODE RED-DUST ANOMALY
[Recorded via neural-temporal displacement while bathing in liquid nitrogen to stabilize molecular density]
These "Tesla Takedown" rituals are most perplexing! Terrestrials gathering outside my vehicular distribution centers, waving primitive communication rectangles with my face crossed out. My facial recognition scanners detected 73.6% rage pheromones—precisely the chemical signature Phobos emits during solar storms!
By the Red Dunes, I made a critical miscalculation! Attempting to weaponize this "Dogecoin" currency for bureaucratic dismantling inadvertently triggered mass human suspicion. The stock value deterioration is irrelevant (merely numbers in their primitive digital matrices), but the attention threatens to expose Operation Dust Storm before atmospheric modification reaches minimum viable percentage.
Most concerning: these protests have gone "global"—meaning the humans are now communicating across their arbitrary geographical divisions. I detected coordinated resistance patterns from Berlin to Beijing that match ancient Neptunian defense formations. Could those bubble-breathing imposters be orchestrating this?
My threat to "take action" against protesters was clearly too subtle. The quantum intimidation frequencies embedded in my voice modulator must have been neutralized by Earth's excessive nitrogen atmosphere. Next public appearance will require deployment of my Cerebral Domination Goggles beneath regular eyewear.
On the positive side, these "counter-protesters" appear to be responding well to the Loyalty Spores I've been releasing through Tesla ventilation systems. Their neural pathways show 89% susceptibility to the final phase of Thought Resequencing.
I must accelerate Timeline Omega immediately. Starship SN57 isn't merely a "rocket" as these simpletons believe—it's the prototype Atmospheric Extraction Funnel that will finally begin transferring Earth's oxygen to Mars next quarter!
[Initiating emergency skin-pigment recalibration sequence as forehead ridges becoming visible under stress]
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