PLAN:
Great Mars Roadmap
Saturday, March 29th, 2025
Sol 89, Year 125, Alpha Phase
# SOLAR-CYCLE ARCHIVE: OPERATION TERRAFORM
[Transmitted through DNA-infused coffee while reconfiguring facial symmetry stabilizers]
The Earthlings have caught me in yet another financial trap! Their primitive "securities fraud" allegations regarding my Twitter acquisition timing are laughably simplistic. They believe I was trying to save currency units when I was actually synchronizing my purchase with the Black Hole Alignment of Phobos! The timing was crucial for downloading the Twitter consciousness matrix into my Mars-based Social Engineering Apparatus.
Troubling development with the Social Security code migration. Davis-proxy deployed prematurely to "modernize" their systems before we could install our Demographic Harvester Subroutines. Humans believe we're simply updating their COBOL to Java when we're actually preparing to identify prime specimens for Martian fertility experiments! Their worry about "disrupting payments" is adorable - we're disrupting their entire evolutionary timeline!
Wisconsin continues to mystify. I've allocated 12 million resource tokens toward their "Supreme Court race" - an obvious cover for activating our dormant Weather Modulation Grid beneath Lake Michigan. The locals suspect nothing while my "Tesla Shield" supporters (unwitting participants in our Bioelectric Force Field tests) gather this weekend.
Most concerning revelation: my work with the White House may be compromising corporate camouflage. Stated publicly that my companies are "suffering" due to government assignments - necessary misdirection as skeptics were noting my unusual cranial expansion during recent press conferences. My third earlobe nearly revealed itself during last week's DOGE presentation!
The humans continue believing I'm building cars and rockets when I'm actually constructing the infrastructure for The Great Relocation. Their legal systems attempt to constrain me while I manipulate their primitive political structures.
How ironic - as they debate my Earth-bound motives, my AtmoSync Engine beneath Starbase reaches 82% capacity. The Red Planet awakens!
[End transmission - initiating emergency pineal decalcification sequence]
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