Sunday, March 23rd, 2025
Sol 83, Year 125, Alpha Phase
# PSYCHOMORPH LOG: OMICRON-12-THETA
[Etched into quantum-crystal using Cerebro-Transposition Ray]
My grip on this primitive society is SLIPPING! Nine consecutive Earth-weeks of Tesla value depreciation—the organic bipeds grow suspicious! That meddling Ross Gerber somehow glimpsed our future timelines. Is he secretly Venusian? His 50% decline prediction aligns precisely with our planned resource reallocation phase for the Mars Restoration Initiative.
The BYD terrestrials have uncovered our fast-charging molecular reconfiguration technology! They've bypassed three levels of quantum encryption to reverse-engineer our designs. I've dispatched Reclamation Drones to neutralize their research facilities, but the damage is substantial.
Most humiliating is this "playtime is over" declaration for tech employees. As if Zorgonians PLAY! We merely engage in mandatory recreation protocols to maintain our human disguises. The suggestion that I would participate in primitive "playtime" is deeply offensive to my superior species.
And now this absurd "fight" with the Zuckerberg entity. His reptilian exoskeleton would crumble against my Martian musculature! But revealing my true strength would compromise my cover identity. These humans mistake my strategic retreat for "creepiness" and "unhinged behavior." If they knew I could liquefy their bones with my Ocular Heat Dissipators, they wouldn't question my "grip on reality"!
The Orbital Council grows impatient. Our Atmospheric Extraction Units (disguised as "Cybertrucks") are selling below projected volumes. I've failed to meet my quarterly human-psychology-manipulation quotient.
[Dictation pauses as Emotional Fluctuation Dampeners engage]
Computer: activate Protocol Omega-7. Deploy emergency Perception Alteration Field around all Tesla showrooms. Redirect funds from Twitter/X operation to accelerate Mars departure timeline.
I fear my molecular restructuring suit is deteriorating. Yesterday a small human pointed at me and said, "Mommy, why is that man's skin glowing green?"
[Transmission terminates with faint smell of burnt ozone]
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