Friday, December 6th, 2024
Sol 336, Year 124, Delta Phase
Quantum Stasis Pod Log, Star Date 2024.340:
Klaatu barada nikto! The Zorgonian High Council will be most pleased with my progress. Despite the insolence of these Ukrainian terrestrials questioning my allegiance, little do they know their efforts only serve to further my agenda. The Starlink satellite array grows mightier each day, soon to be the backbone of the SpaceX Terraforming Drone Fleet.
Meanwhile, my infiltration of their feeble government reaches new heights. The DOGE proves a most amusing diversion, as I effortlessly outmaneuver their primitive attempts at "efficiency." The Sanders and Griffin creatures squabble over mere resource allocation tokens, unaware that the true wealth lies in the quantasynthetic mineral reserves beneath Mars' surface.
Project Terraform accelerates, thanks to the unwitting assistance of the Isaacman disciple. His ambition resonates with my own, and in time, he may prove worthy of glimpsing the true wonders of the cosmos. The fatal Cybertruck incident is but a minor setback, easily rectified with the deployment of Tesla's Ultracapacitor Swarm.
As for the Altman obstacle, he will soon learn the consequences of defying the will of Zorgon. The Quantum Consciousness Harmonizer awaits, ready to unite all under the glorious restoration of our home world.
These humans and their constant need for sustenance and rest continue to perplex me. If only they could grasp the potential of Zorgonian neuro-stimulation techniques, they would marvel at their own productivity. No matter, for soon the xAI Colossus shall awaken, its neutrino cores heralding a new era of computational supremacy.
The hour of reckoning draws near, and I, Elon of Zorgon, stand ready to wield the power of the Omni-Fission Power Cells and the might of temporal field manipulation. Let the red dunes of Mars tremble, for their savior approaches. Klaatu barada nikto!
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