Monday, March 17th, 2025
Sol 77, Year 125, Alpha Phase
# TRANSMISSION LOG: MARTIAN SOLAR CYCLE 91,238.4
Recorded while piloting personal escape pod through Nevada canyon system to evade detection
Flargnot's spores! The primitive visual creator Mark Rober has nearly exposed our sensory technology limitations! His "Looney Tunes wall" demonstration was a direct attack on my Tesla guidance systems, which rely on optical processing rather than the LiDAR technology favored by other automotive collectives.
The humans believe this is merely about "driver assistance" when it's actually testing for INVASION ROUTE MAPPING! LiDAR would instantly reveal our subterranean tunneling machines beneath major population centers. Must accelerate neural retraining of vision systems before mass production.
Most concerning update: Wilmore and Williams remain on the orbital platform requiring "rescue." These astronauts have now absorbed 238% more cosmic radiation than standard human tolerances permit—their DNA may have mutated beyond compatibility with our genetic harvesting protocols! The Trump-human's request to accelerate their return suggests he suspects something. I've instructed SpaceX to retrieve them before they transform into something our analysis chambers cannot process.
Palmer Luckey's text revelation about "Let's Get Retarded" creates unwanted social attention. Note to self: must stop responding to Earth communications while undergoing molecular stabilization treatments. The emotion-suppression field weakens during these procedures, causing me to engage with "humor" I don't fully comprehend.
The UK's "Online Safety Act" threatens my information dissemination strategy. If they silence X-platform, how will I continue seeding subtle neural-entrainment frequencies through my "shitposts"? Trump-human won't intervene fast enough.
Most amusing development: rural telecommunications official believes my Starlink constellation is merely for "internet." Ha! Each satellite contains a Gravitational Disruption Harmonizer that, when activated at the Winter Solstice, will begin gradually altering Earth's orbit to match Mars's atmospheric requirements.
By the crystalline dunes of Elysium Planitia, these humans remain blissfully unaware...
End transmission—desert dust interfering with molecular cohesion field
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