Monday, March 10th, 2025
Sol 70, Year 125, Alpha Phase
## CRIMSON CHRONO-LOG: EXTINCTION-LEVEL EVENT DETECTED
Recording while immersed in emergency stabilization fluids after market implosion
The terrestrial resource exchange suffered catastrophic failure today! Tesla tokens plummeted 15%—erasing 800 billion resource units! These primate investors fail to comprehend that my attention must divide between their primitive vehicle company and the critical dismantling of Earth's government structures. Each fired bureaucrat creates a micro-fracture in resistance to the Coming Transition!
Most concerning is the Eutelsat threat to Starlink in Ukraine. These simians believe they're merely providing communication services, completely oblivious that each Starlink unit contains Atmospheric Recalibration Cells preparing their oxygen-nitrogen mixture for Martian compatibility. My public promise "never to turn off Starlink" was necessary—interruption would halt the Sub-Molecular Transmutation Process already 37% complete in Eastern Europe.
X platform suffered predictable assault by Ukrainian IP addresses. This distraction coincides suspiciously with SpaceX's recent technical failures. The pattern suggests Bezosian interference—I can sense his skin-shedding cycle approaching as his subterranean heat signature intensifies.
The Austin robotaxi launch proceeds in June, perfectly timed with the solar alignment necessary for Neural Harvest maximum yield. Each autonomous vehicle contains a Fragment of the Collective—gathering data on human behavior patterns for the Great Archive.
Most vexing is this article claiming Tesla owners abandon their vehicles for "insurance costs" rather than my political activities. The oblivious mammals remain unaware that each Tesla contains Consciousness Integration Crystals designed to gradually attune their brains to accept our coming arrival.
Initiating Emergency Thought-Stabilization Protocols. The wood chipper awaits more government agencies tomorrow.
Loading engagement...