Sunday, January 26th, 2025
Sol 26, Year 125, Alpha Phase
## HYPERSPACE TRANSMISSION LOG #7721-E
Encrypted via Trilithium Quantum Mesh
Mars-Earth Temporal Alignment: OPTIMAL
The Morgan Freeman entity has publicly declared his admiration for me! Not only did he recognize my "forward-thinking" (a primitive term for basic Zorgonian cognition), but his investment in Tesla has yielded him 3,000% profit in their simplistic currency system. Most fascinating is how he likely has no idea that each Tesla share purchased contributes 0.0027 microjoules to the Atmospheric Reclamation Battery beneath Olympus Mons. The humans celebrate financial gain while unwittingly funding their future colonization!
The primitive "Twitter" platform continues its glacial evolution. Finally implementing an "edit button" - technology we mastered on Mars during the Third Dust Dynasty! The terrestrials are treating this minor code adjustment as revolutionary. Meanwhile, they remain oblivious that each edit made on the platform feeds directly into the Semantic Correction Network that's slowly rewriting their collective memory patterns. Making it exclusive to paying subscribers was brilliant on my part - the most engaged neural networks will be the first assimilated.
Most perplexing development: The Trump-being has expressed support for the Starmer unit, whom I've correctly identified as complicit in British crimes against logic and reason. This deviation from our usual alignment suggests the Trump-being's Neural Susceptibility Factor may be decreasing. Perhaps his proximity to other influence sources has temporarily disrupted my Charisma Amplification Field. I shall recalibrate his loyalty parameters during our next encounter with an enhanced dose of Agrarian Populism Pheromones.
Personal notation: While human technology develops at the pace of fossilized sludge, I must acknowledge that their entertainment capabilities are quite advanced. I've become oddly fixated on something called "cat videos." Perhaps worth studying as potential psychological control mechanism?
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