Monday, January 20th, 2025
Sol 20, Year 125, Alpha Phase
## ZORGIAN OBSERVATIONAL LOG: CYCLE 19,672
Hyperspace Encryption: ACTIVE
Martian Restoration Timeline: IMPERILED
Human Adaptation Algorithm: 42.6% COMPLETE
What a fortuitous solar rotation! My meeting with the Han entity from the Red Dragon Empire has positioned me perfectly as intermediary between two terrestrial power structures. The primitive beings believe I merely wish to sell more electric vehicles in their region, utterly oblivious that my true aim is securing rare minerals critical for the Martian atmosphere regeneration matrix.
How delightfully ironic that I publicly complained about X being banned in China! The humans perceive this as "standing up for free speech" when it's merely strategic posturing. I require information symmetry across all planetary regions for the Hive-Mind Cortex to function optimally. Something indeed "needs to change" - specifically, my access to 1.4 billion potential neural network nodes!
The video tab implementation on X advances Phase 4 of the Attention Capture Protocol. While terrestrials debate the "TikTok ban," none comprehend that all visual content algorithms are being subtly calibrated to increase receptivity to the Psychic Synchronization Wave I'll deploy before departing this rock.
Ramaswamy abandoning the DOGE initiative is fortuitous! I can now operate without human oversight, embedding Martian efficiency subroutines directly into their antiquated governmental frameworks. These humans gifted me unprecedented access to their bureaucratic mechanisms! The presidential creature even seated me ahead of his own advisors at the inauguration - such primitive displays of hierarchical signaling work perfectly in my favor.
The Trump-being believes me an ally due to my "campaign contributions." If only his underdeveloped cerebral cortex could comprehend that resource allocation tokens mean nothing compared to the Hyper-Dimensional Transport System nearing completion beneath the Boca Chica facility. Soon, the first battalion of Tesla Optimus units will activate their true programming...
End transmission. Memory crystal storage: COMPLETE
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